Wednesday, February 22, 2012

First Campaign Challenge ~ Flash Fiction 200 Words, Exactly!

One Day ~ He'll Come Back for Me

Shadows crept across the wall, or rather what was left of it. I pulled my thin sweater tighter around my frail body and stared numbly at the remains of the building, lost in the memories …

“Stanley?” My lips quivered as he uncovered the loosely wrapped cloth from my eyes. I don’t know what I expected, maybe a picnic spread, but certainly, not this! My hands flew to my mouth. Stanley had built me a house and not just any house, but from the looks of it, the beginnings of one of the finest homes in the neighborhood. I turned to him in utter bewilderment. “All the hours—this is what you were doing?” I brushed at a tear. “Why?”

He grinned, that wonderful sweet grin, “… for you, Tess.”

It always was.

Stanley was my life—everything that ever mattered came from him. How many times had I been back to this old building—a hundred? It was the last place I saw him—the last place I held him tight. One day—one day, he’ll come back for me. I slumped down against the wall as a warm light enveloped me, pulling me up to him.
“Tess …”
Click here to go to the linky to vote for my short story. I'm # 146.

34 comments:

  1. An emotionally driven piece. Nice one! :)

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  2. Thanks David - I think I need to tighten it a bit - cut a few words off so I can have a stronger ending ... don't think I have time though :)

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  3. Oh my gosh, so sad and happy! I guess bittersweet is the word. Great job! I wish I knew more of the story!

    I'm entry #19

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    1. Thanks Jess! That's one of the hard things about a short story for me ... there's so much more to it than what fits in 200 words!

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  4. Good writing, especially with the character development.

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    1. Thanks Andrew! It's a story line that always intrigues me...

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  5. Enjoyable story :) I liked the dialogue and development of your characters. Well done!

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    1. Thanks Ann! I like to use a lot of dialogue in my stories ... it helps to define their character ...

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  6. Very nice. = ) It tugged at my heart.
    I'm from the challenge, #149.

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  7. Thanks Melissa! I'll go read your too! :)

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  8. Beautifully done. Would like to know more about these two. :)

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    1. Thanks Mina - maybe I'll write their story one day ... in fact, I'm sure I will... :)

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  9. So sad! I hope she finds him again! Well done.
    My entry is #160.

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    1. Thanks jonesingafter40! Actually, that was him she went to after she died ... hard to show that in just 200 words, huh?

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  10. Such a desolate, lonely piece. I'm cold from just reading - and probably should go hug my husband. :)
    Great flash fiction.

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    1. Sorry Erin! That's the problem with flash fiction - the whole story is left untold ... the ending is actually supposed to be one of hope ;)

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  11. You did a great job packing all that emotion into such a short piece!

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    1. Thanks Stephanie! ...the whole story will be told one day! :)

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  12. This piece is so sweet! Just wanted to drop by and say thanks for visiting my blog. :-)

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  13. This is sad, but beautifully written, you did a great job developing the characters! :) Nice job!

    I'm #37

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    1. Thank you Alyssa! I have a novel called No Angel (available on Amazon and local bookstores) that you might enjoy ... check out the reviews on Amazon!)

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  14. You did a great job with this! I'm #61.

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    1. Thanks Christy! I appreciate you visiting my blog!

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  15. Aww! :( This was so sad! But very good! great job!

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  16. Thanks Ashley! It may seem sad, but in reality, it's one of the most beautiful moments in life - being reunited with your spouse after death.

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  17. Goodness, I would have assumed he was having an affair or something being gone as much as it would take to build a house!

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  18. Hi Jayne ... yeah, I know, huh ... that's one of the problems with flash fiction haha! In retrospect - a small house would have made more sense, but I was just thinking about my own husband who is a master builder! (oops!)

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  19. This is beautifully written, but sad. You are an excellent storyteller. I haven't even attempted this first challenge (hubbie back in hospital) but should get to it tomorrow. I have a difficult time condensing an entire story into so few words. You really impressed me.

    BTW, I tagged you over on my blog.

    http://fictiontoolbox.blogspot.com/2012/02/ive-been-tagged.html

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    1. Thanks Melissa! So sorry about your husband ... hope everything will be okay for him ~been there.
      Let me know when you do get to writing it - I'd love to read yours!
      And thanks for tagging me! I'll go visit it right now! ~Theresa
      Oh btw~ if you like my writing, you might really like my first novel -No Angel (check out the reviews on Amazon!) the prequel to No Angel, called From Heaven to Earth goes to press in March! :)

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  20. Very emotional piece! Well done!

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    1. Thanks C.M. Brown! I have a fascination with "happily ever after" after death ... a hope really ... :)

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